Sunday, 27 May 2012

A confession

You've caught me.
I know that I promised
You're the strong one
These urges, I could not dismiss

You'd seen me sneaking away before
Why only now did you follow
This time you were waiting at the door
My guilt could not be hidden
I wiped the smear from my lips
You're disgusted look cause what came next
I licked it from my finger tips
And passed you without comment
You followed me into the bathroom
Directing me over to the sink
You stood there behind me as minutes passed
Washing until both our palms were rosy pink
I know you're disappointed in me
But he will never find out
I covered up my tampering you see
And this is certainly no time to shout
I won't tell if you won't tell
This can just be between us two
It's not like you hadn't done this before
On a smaller scale though, tis true
Our son's heart would not be broken
He will never find out that I snuck down
He'll never know I too the first taste
Only you will hear my late night snacker confession
You should be more understanding with this
And I should say sorry for what I've done
But that birthday cake was too damn good
So I took the honour of first tasting from our son

Monday, 21 May 2012

I grew up

I grew up, in a way.
When I'm sick though, I still want my mummy
When it's hot out, I still want to spend my day at the beach
When it's cold I still love to curl up under a blanket and drink hot chocolate
Do I still watch cartoons? Yes
Do I still play video games? Yes
Do I still like playing tag? Yes
Hide and seek? Yes
I like going on adventures like I did when I was 6
I still like running around after the sun goes down
I will always love reading
And if I had a bicycle I would go riding whenever I could
The simple fun things haven't changed
I could spend a day, just my imagination and I
Or laying in the shade with a snack and a friend to share it
Building a play house would never grow boring.

What has changed?

I can stay out as late as I want.
I can eat and drink whatever I want.
No one yells at me for lighting the stove.
I can go watch grown up movies in the cinema.
But
I'm supposed to do my own laundry.
I'm supposed to get a job.
I'm supposed to be responsible for myself.

As a child the rule is "Don't lie"
As an adult it changes to "Don't get caught lying"

I don't trust anyone.

It just comes down to that.
As a child I could ask mommy for anything
She might say yes, she might say no
If i got a yes I could trust that that's what I would get

When daddy went away he would call as often as possible
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas.
I wanted a trailer truck and I told him and I moved on.
I knew that on Christmas morning when I unwrapped my presents
One of them would be that truck. I loved that truck

Now I have to rely on myself to keep promises
Grown up try to do what they promise children
When you aren't a child anymore
You are supposed to be able to handle disappointment

"A promise is a comfort to a fool"
Are children fools?

Perhaps the truth of it all is that we don't matter enough to people when we grow up. If you are not fragile you are not worth the effort, or something like that.

How did my mind get here from thinking about Thundercats?





Thursday, 17 May 2012

They call it hopeless infatuation more likely

From 2008... I almost wish I remember who it was written for 

Alone and empty
No sounds in the dark
Misery impales me
My body ripped apart
Limb by limb
Exposing my dying heart
Blood and agony
All I'm left with is pain
Alone and empty
I have nothing to gain
Nothing
No where
No voice
Just tears
It's nothing new
Not since meeting you
I feel it
Slow and sharp
Tearing at flesh
They call it love


Wednesday, 16 May 2012

Mommy's Day

First off let me apologize for my absence. Due to circumstances beyond my control I had no internet access. I am back now though and shall try  my darnedest to make up for the time I was away.

Mother's Day has just passed and being a home body these days my option for presents were fairly limited however the day was saved thanks to Mall Internationale's mother's Day Promotion. I won a dinner for two for my mommy :) We had it on Monday night and it was nice :) however looking back on the actual Mother's Day I'd say we had a pretty eventful morning.

In the kitchen one expects to find food, cutlery, crockery and cooking appliances mostly. One does not expect to find evil lurking in the base of a plant pot. That is just what we stumbled upon that morning.
Out of the corner of her eye she saw something move. This particular something was snuggled comfortable on the floor around the base of a plant pot. Despite its notable size it was rather quick footed.
Though we tried to strike with a shoe, we missed and behind the stove it went. The hunt for the centipede was put on hold for we had to embark on a hunt for bug spray. I kept watch while mommy found it and then we began again, one of us at either side of the stove and spraying behind it. Unfortunately the bastard decided to exit on my side and fled behind the fridge.
Positions were changed and  we started spraying behind the fridge. Mom was caught off guard when it decided to run her way so she grabbed the grill thing from the base of the fridge (to the front) and whacked and whacked. Then it was broken. The grill I mean, not the centipede. He was just stunned and thank God for that cause it gave up time to pull out the bed thing in our arsenal... a cricket bat. Two lashes with that and he stopped movie. My sister with the big fear of centipede came to see the carnage. He was clearly trying to show off cause he moved again. Mommy crushed his back again and some white thingy came out of its moth, then she crushed its head and that was the end of it.

The day was quiet and enjoyable after that but I don't think anyone would have wanted more drama.

Well more stuff coming soonish. I'm working on this thing so we'll see how it pans out.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012

I Was The Fool

I entered the arena, inching closer and closer to my intended opponent. I surveyed the battlefield to be, finding the spot for my first strike. The intended victim was by all indications, a female of her species. She was resting in the middle of the room on a crude sort of bed. History told that they were less aggressive than their male counterparts but when cornered, their erratic style of fighting could spell your death. This particular creature was larger than the average that I'd battled. Having completed my assessment I spread my wings and made my presence known. Taking to the air, I swooped around the arena to ensure that I had her attention before landing on a heap of fabric to observe her reaction and await her first strike.

The being rose to her full height. She moved slowly and methodically towards a wedge shaped piece of rubber that lay on the floor. All reports were correct. This species seldom fought without weapons and were resourceful at finding them. This particular weapon I had seen before worn on the feet of another female of the species. The sluggish brute lifted the wedge and inched closer, as if not to startle me. Did she think I would patiently await the blow? These beasts were not known for their intelligence however her tactics seemed to indicate that perhaps she was slow of mind. She lowered the wedge to a striking range that, had I not been the top of my class in evasion, would have ended me. In a quick and minimally off target move she brought her weapon down in what she might have intended to be a killing blow.

I barreled away from the strike with but a hair separating me from the location it had fallen on. Seeing her first attack had failed she stumbled back as I took to the air again. I came to rest on the barrier in front of the portal this being used to enter and exit this arena. Having failed with her first weapon she surveyed the arena for another to aid her in this fight. After a long moment she edged closer to me once more. It was my belief at the time that the creature had decided bare handed combat to be her only option. I braced myself to evade and then try to land my first blow but as she reached within striking range she passed behind the barrier and fled.

I could hear her communicating, perhaps with her superiors, in her unintelligible tongue. I do not believe this method of communication has the sophistication or content to be considered as much a language. There were a few of their sounds that we had accurately attributed meanings to but I could make out none of them. Within a short time I could hear her returning. She entered the room with some form of trapping device. Using the same battle maneuvers as before, she moved within a range that would allow for greater accuracy. I would not dally to show my superiority this time. I would have to time my movement carefully lest I be trapped.

In a flash she brought down her trapping device. Waiting for the last second I leaped out of the way.  She was more cunning than I anticipated for she dragged the device in the direction I'd gone in. One of my legs was caught briefly and was now badly injured. I dropped to the floor and hurried to find cover as she chased after me. Finally safe under the thing she had been resting on, I examined my injuries. I had underestimated her and it had cost me dearly. My leg would likely be lost after this battle if I was able to keep my life at all. Once again my opponent left the arena. She was furious. She prattled loudly to whoever lay beyond the portal. There was one sound she repeated that I was familiar with. It was how this species referred to my kind. "Roaches."

I made my way to the far side of the arena and climbed the wall of fabric that was strewn there. Calming myself, I listened for her return. I reached into the memories of my youth to the early days of my training. Focusing on the basic strategies of engagement that I could recall, I prepared myself for the onslaught that was coming. The beast startled me out of my recollection as she made a clamorous re-entry. Steeling my nerves I swooped towards her, now on the offensive. I must win this round if i was to have any chance in this encounter. She paused in her advance for but a second before making a hasty retreat. 

I landed on the wall next to the portal. I heard no sounds from beyond it. Was she toying with me? Was this some part of her training to lower enemy defenses? If it was, I would not be drawn into the trap. Briskly but cautiously I crept onto the corner of her bedding and calmed my mind once more. I would use stealth to defeat this foe. A head on assault would only lead to more injuries. After a long while of watching and waiting I heard her returning. She once again reverted to her careful calculated advance. She took great care in examining the arena. My ambush was not discovered. Thinking I had fled, she resumed the position I had first observed her in. She was oblivious to my presence. The upper hand was mine.

I crept soundlessly up to her enormous thigh. It was now or never. I would have to strike the final blow or rather, my first blow, before she noticed I was upon her. I made it to within seconds of my goal when she moved. An enormous hand swatted me away. I was sent flying off of her to the bedding which broke my fall and unfortunately, another leg. Struggling to maintain some semblance of calm through the pain and the dizziness I made one final attempt to regain the advantage. What a feeble waste it was. I had apparently walked into her ambush. In one swift move she brought her crude containment device over me. 

I had lost. My lifetime of training had failed me and I had failed my race. My captor dragged my prison onto a paper seal. I lost another leg on the way and the tip of my wing. On the floor I was placed and she stared at me. She taunted me with her eyes. The knowledge that I had all along been the weaker and far less cunning broke my spirit. I would die alone here, slowly, tormented by every moment that I was a prisoner and my prey remained free. To cement her domination as victor, she took me, in my prison, to show the others of her kind her latest victim. She made what I can only assume was a speech before attempting to place me on the floor. The seal she had chosen was defective for it slipped away affording me once again an opportunity to grasp freedom. My joy was short lived as she slammed an object onto my back, mortally wounding me. I was still alive of course for these brutes were infamous for their love of torture, but I would soon die. No one would hear of my victories. no one would sing songs of my battles. I would die here having done nothing to further our cause.