Monday, 30 April 2012

Bring on the flowers

Another month has ended and another begins. The world hasn't ended (outside of my nightmares) so that's something to be grateful for. Over the last month I have embarked on a journey to rediscover my creative side which was bound, gagged and locked away for the most part, over the last three years.

This part of me got most of its development in a time when I wasn't particularly fond of myself or happy to be me. I can proudly say now that I love me. As with everyone, there are areas of myself that still require some work *cough cough* anger  *cough* management *cough cough cough* but life is process of development and I'm getting there.

I'll be revisiting a lighter side of me from my earlier rhyming days. A few of you may be familiar with such rhymes as:
"I love it when you're dressed and hot
I love to watch you in the kitchen
Your breasts, your legs, your thighs, your back
I love you so my fine backed chicken"
I always enjoyed trying out different perspectives. Most of my jottings like That Love hate Relationship could of course be interpreted quite literally as a relationship between two people. As with a number of my pieces though, I attributed human emotions to something that is far from human. I like write from the perspective of other things (be they animal, plant or object) and trying to see the world from their eyes. It can make a serious sounding piece take on a more comical interpretation. Possessed could also be interpreted in many different ways. I find that for me it relates to a number of things. I'll try to write more like them for you

I do hope you all have a beautiful May. Though, in Barbados at least, we did not have many April showers, I do wish you all a fruitful, blissful and peaceful month of May; full of beauty (with or without the expected flowers). I thank all of you who have read and shared my posts. I look forward to doing more for you. 

Finally tho the one I love. May is the month of your birth and also of our coupling. Two years may not be a long time to most but they have meant more to me than the five that preceded them. I am grateful to you for choosing to share this time with me and for your patience. I love you. Happy Anniversary (though 4 hours early).

That's it for now folks. All the best!
Stay tuned  ^_^

Saturday, 28 April 2012

Posssessed

Another of my older pieces
It awakens
From Beneath the surface
Come cries of pain
Pleasure driven
It comes forward again

It loathes
Every thought of happiness
Drunk with temptations
Gently whispers
Screams of irritation

It takes
Peace reasoning and patience
Driven by darkness
Locking away logic
Confuses truth with madness

It Craves
Power from weakness
Each idea contorted and bent
Tunnel vision brings forward
Voices of resentment

It breaks
The will to live and fight
Must kill and must die
Embrace the black future
Escape? you won't try

It tires
Being fought for too long
Anxiety pushes it on
Broken barriers resurrected
It's drive is gone

It sleeps
Dormant once more
Back to normal it seems
Reasoning and sense come
It remains in the body and dreams

The Adolocent Dream

 This one is a few years old by one of my favourites. Do enjoy :)
Study, you say?
I say NAY!
Why lower my standards
To those of a puppet
Moving to the will of pulled strings
I bow not to you sir
Nor to those you call sir
I bow to no one
The days of bowing have gone
Stand you say?
I say NAY!
I will not stand to those
That stand before me
My loyalties lie with those
Who join my fight for emancipation
I link arms with them
And walk to my freedom
You dare not stop us
Respect you say?
NAY! I say.
I give that where it is due
It is due where it is earned
But not to the likes of you
Who expect it and try to take it
Force earns nothing but distrust
Of which you seem quite fond
Fear you or respect you?
Learn you say?
I will, I say.
But from the things I chose
I learn of the things that you learned
In your days of freedom
After you played the puppet
Willingly and fearfully
I learn of no responsibility
I learn of the adolescent dream

Friday, 27 April 2012

Morning techno beats

Beats Beats Beats.
I start to twitch.
Can't sit still any longer
Nod Nod Nod
It's like an itch
Got to turn it up louder
Bop Bop Bop
I get to my feet
My urges getting stronger
Side To Side
I rock to the beat.
Bass pounding like thunder.

Tap Tap Tap
My feet won't stop
Twitching gets worse
As the next track drops

Up and down
On the floor I bounce
Hair flying everywhere
Sweat drips by the ounce

Gasps for air
No I can't breath
Music made me lose control
Can't slow down
Tones interweave
As they tug at my soul
Losing my mind
Its sound too good
My body no longer mine
Its almost gone
I so wish I could
Freeze this moment in time

Take a breath
The feeling returns
I move on the floor
As my lungs burn

Gone to soon
The end is near
The climax builds
Bliss is all I hear

The song ends
My routine complete
No coffee for this girl
Just morning techno beats


Tuesday, 24 April 2012

A Daughter's Grief

Would you be proud of me?
Would you still tell me that you love me?
If you knew who I've become
Would you still lay claim to me?
I feel like I was never worthy
I was the one who pushed you
I was the one who made you sick.
That's what I feel  sometimes
When I think of all you've missed.
You were there for my first steps
You heard my first words.
You took me to school on the first day
And I didn't cry then.
I knew I would come home to you.
But If I'd known back then
That you wouldn't see me graduate
I would have cried everyday
When I said goodbye to you.

I wish we'd had more time.
I wish we'd made more memories.
I remember what you look like.
I remember the sound of your voice.
I feel like I've failed you
I should remember more.

There is one memory I've held on to
That I promise to keep safe.
It's one of you carrying me.
I was on top of the world
Up on top of your shoulders.
I don't remember the time of day
But I know it was twilight
I remember the most beautiful colours
Swirling around in the sky
The purples and blues and oranges and pinks.
It's no wonder that I love purple
Or that twilight is my favourite time.
When I think of being on your shoulders
My tears go away and I feel safe.
I feel that I can do anything.

I promise I'll be a good girl.
I'll make you proud of me.
I'll be as kind and brave as you.
I will make the world better somehow.
I'll walk in your footsteps
I'll be the daughter you deserved.
I love you daddy.

Monday, 23 April 2012

That love hate relationship

You wanted me gone so I left.
I left you to shudder.
Sure you could find substitutes for me.
But how many does it take
To replace all that I do for you?
When I was around you complained;
I was too much for you,
Came on too strong for you.
You did all that you could
To keep distance between us.
You claimed to love me yet
You can't wait to be out of my reach.
Well I left you.
You said then how you missed me.
Your days were cold without me.
You wish I hadn't left?
You just can't decide.
Is it me you want?
Or is it what I do for you.
What I do can be replaced.
But would you survive without me?
Maybe next time I'll go for a month.
Maybe I'll leave you for a year.
When your depression is complete,
When you pray to see me each day
Maybe I'll return to you.
Maybe then you'll love me
Not just what I do for you.
But you know, don't you.
I can't ever abandon you
Not for eternity.
Never an entire year.
I'll always return to you.
I know you need me.
I know I can be overbearing sometimes.
But I can't help who I am.
And you can't change your need.


Friday, 20 April 2012

Naught little mind of mine.

I must write this one down before I forget it. I had another of  those vivid dreams only this one was a good one. I was in my late 30s and as sexy as I am now. I was on my way to the doctor when I ran into a friend and we decided to check out some cool hotels on the island (Barbados of course). We ran into some Japanese tourists in an Esso Tigermart. They told us about the great place they were staying so we went by to check it out. While there we ran into this young, blond, built, hung fellow who'd just turned 23. We flirted and lets just say that's how I found out he was wonderfully pink and hung. It didn't end there though. We continued to explore and ran into guys closer to my age. All of them very very distracting to look at and all wanting me to do more than look. There was a 40+ guy who was also blond and muscular but not excessively so. just very very muscular. He was hot too. He picked me up and carried me up the stairs to the hotel's next floor. I was about to find out if he was compensating for anatomical inadequacies but that's when I woke up.
These dreams just keep getting better. :)

Sunday, 15 April 2012

Sweep me away

Touch me.
Smack me and stroke me.
I like how you take away all the pain.
When I feel in your embrace I can finally unwind.

Caress me.
Take me away from here.
Make me forget the world again.
Ferry my mind and body to where bliss and joy reside.

Tickle me.
As you trace your way up
from my feet to my thighs and higher.
Then let me sink deep into you gently and slowly.

Push me.
I want it rough this time.
Like always I come into you bareback.
Flip me over and smother me; make me gasp for air.

Hold me.
As I close my eyes.
Let me drift slowly away with you.
I know it can't last but you always make my day better.

Release me.
I walk away from you.
I wash away what you'd left on me.
We never part bitterly. I am at peace with the world again.

Friday, 13 April 2012

Another Wierd One: April 12th 2012

My mom picked me up from a jewellery store where I worked and as we were driving along the south coast the sea was very very rough, like a weather system was near to the island. She took me to this hotel that her friends went to to talk to the manager about the way they were treating a vine that was growing up the side of the building. The spray they used was also killing the plants in the hanging boxes. Then she took me downstairs to meet the rest of the staff. Some of them were werewolves and other were other species of mythical creatures but in human form. Then we went back  upstairs to the reception and when I told the clerk at the desk that I was tired he sent me back down to the staff rest area to get a warm towel but I was almost attacked by a werewolf because I was another wolf species type thing which was their genetic enemy. So we left there and went home and my husband who was actually the assistant manager at the hotel called and said he would be late for dinner. Then a prostitute who didn't know my husband and I were mythical creatures called and said that since my husband works so much she could have sex with him at his work and I told her to keep away from him. She then told me that she would go there right now and give him a freebee and let him decide. I responded by telling her that if she went near him that I would kill her then went on to describe exactly how I would do that and hung up. Next I was in the porch of my actual home looking at the sea churning (it really was rough) when my husband came home and kissed me on the cheek and apologized for being late. I told him that I was going to NYC and then I was in NYC with Maz (a friend). He used his miles to get me there so I could visit J (my real boyfriend). At this point in the dream as far as I remember, I was not married to anyone. We (Maz and I) were in a hotel and it was night when we decided to walk over to the airport so I went into the restroom to hide my money and passport in my clothes for the walk as i didn't want them to be stolen in the event that I was mugged when this girl came into my stall, use it, then left. When I finally got out of the stall this woman who was apparently some big executive came into the bathroom through the door to the street and was complaining about how the temperature suddenly dropped and it was cold. Then other men and women came in off the street and were lounging in the warm bathroom because it was so surprisingly frigid out and no one had dressed for the cold. Then I called J and he was angry that I hadn't called sooner but he got a flight out to meet me and brought me my coat and that's all I remember.

Weird right? Me married to a jeweler???