Next up, 2013

2012 has had its share of ups and downs for us all but we've made it to the end. I have my resolutions as many of you do but the one thing I want for everyone is to be the best you you can be. Happy New Year one and all. Start on a high if you can and remind those that matter to you that they are in your hearts.

Note to self

When someone ignores you they don't deserve your time.
When someone lies to you they don't deserve your trust.
When someone is unfaithful they don't deserve your love.
When someone purposely causes you pain they don't deserve to see your tears.
When someone pushes you away that's your cue to leave.
When someone has to keep apologizing forgive yourself for letting them wrong you.
When someone blocks you out learn to walk away.

Brilliance of the morning.

The morning brings many a wonderful thing. For one... its cool and quite. The whisps of warm light slowly permeate all that it touches. What could be more invigorating yet calming. Certainly not catching the bus before the whole shebang gets underway. Yeah. Morning to you too.

It's June ^_^

My apologies everyone for my absence. First let me say welcome to June! May was a great month. Lots of fun; not too many posts though. I hope you have a fabulous month with lots of money.

I've been working on some different things in my life so we'll see how those things pan out.
I hope to get at least one post a week out this month. If I'm inspired, you may get more than that ;)

Have a great day
See you soon

A confession

You've caught me.

I know that I promised

You're the strong one

These urges, I could not dismiss

You'd seen me sneaking away before

Why only now did you follow

This time you were waiting at the door

My guilt could not be hidden

I wiped the smear from my lips

You're disgusted look cause what came next

I licked it from my finger tips

And passed you without comment

You followed me into the bathroom

Directing me over to the sink

You stood there behind me as minutes passed

Washing until both our palms were rosy pink

I know you're disappointed in me

But he will never find out

I covered up my tampering you see

And this is certainly no time to shout

I won't tell if you won't tell

This can just be between us two

It's not like you hadn't done this before

On a smaller scale though, tis true

Our son's heart would not be broken

He will never find out that I snuck down

He'll never know I too the first taste

Only you will hear my late night snacker confession

You should be more understanding with this

And I should say sorry for what I've done

But that birthday cake was too damn good

So I took the honour of first tasting from our son

They call it hopeless infatuation more likely

From 2008... I almost wish I remember who it was written for 

Alone and empty
No sounds in the dark
Misery impales me
My body ripped apart
Limb by limb
Exposing my dying heart
Blood and agony
All I'm left with is pain
Alone and empty
I have nothing to gain
Nothing
No where
No voice
Just tears
It's nothing new
Not since meeting you
I feel it
Slow and sharp
Tearing at flesh
They call it love

I Was The Fool

I entered the arena, inching closer and closer to my intended opponent. I surveyed the battlefield to be, finding the spot for my first strike. The intended victim was by all indications, a female of her species. She was resting in the middle of the room on a crude sort of bed. History told that they were less aggressive than their male counterparts but when cornered, their erratic style of fighting could spell your death. This particular creature was larger than the average that I'd battled. Having completed my assessment I spread my wings and made my presence known. Taking to the air, I swooped around the arena to ensure that I had her attention before landing on a heap of fabric to observe her reaction and await her first strike.

The being rose to her full height. She moved slowly and methodically towards a wedge shaped piece of rubber that lay on the floor. All reports were correct. This species seldom fought without weapons and were resourceful at finding them. This particular weapon I had seen before worn on the feet of another female of the species. The sluggish brute lifted the wedge and inched closer, as if not to startle me. Did she think I would patiently await the blow? These beasts were not known for their intelligence however her tactics seemed to indicate that perhaps she was slow of mind. She lowered the wedge to a striking range that, had I not been the top of my class in evasion, would have ended me. In a quick and minimally off target move she brought her weapon down in what she might have intended to be a killing blow.

I barreled away from the strike with but a hair separating me from the location it had fallen on. Seeing her first attack had failed she stumbled back as I took to the air again. I came to rest on the barrier in front of the portal this being used to enter and exit this arena. Having failed with her first weapon she surveyed the arena for another to aid her in this fight. After a long moment she edged closer to me once more. It was my belief at the time that the creature had decided bare handed combat to be her only option. I braced myself to evade and then try to land my first blow but as she reached within striking range she passed behind the barrier and fled.

I could hear her communicating, perhaps with her superiors, in her unintelligible tongue. I do not believe this method of communication has the sophistication or content to be considered as much a language. There were a few of their sounds that we had accurately attributed meanings to but I could make out none of them. Within a short time I could hear her returning. She entered the room with some form of trapping device. Using the same battle maneuvers as before, she moved within a range that would allow for greater accuracy. I would not dally to show my superiority this time. I would have to time my movement carefully lest I be trapped.

In a flash she brought down her trapping device. Waiting for the last second I leaped out of the way.  She was more cunning than I anticipated for she dragged the device in the direction I'd gone in. One of my legs was caught briefly and was now badly injured. I dropped to the floor and hurried to find cover as she chased after me. Finally safe under the thing she had been resting on, I examined my injuries. I had underestimated her and it had cost me dearly. My leg would likely be lost after this battle if I was able to keep my life at all. Once again my opponent left the arena. She was furious. She prattled loudly to whoever lay beyond the portal. There was one sound she repeated that I was familiar with. It was how this species referred to my kind. "Roaches."

I made my way to the far side of the arena and climbed the wall of fabric that was strewn there. Calming myself, I listened for her return. I reached into the memories of my youth to the early days of my training. Focusing on the basic strategies of engagement that I could recall, I prepared myself for the onslaught that was coming. The beast startled me out of my recollection as she made a clamorous re-entry. Steeling my nerves I swooped towards her, now on the offensive. I must win this round if i was to have any chance in this encounter. She paused in her advance for but a second before making a hasty retreat. 

I landed on the wall next to the portal. I heard no sounds from beyond it. Was she toying with me? Was this some part of her training to lower enemy defenses? If it was, I would not be drawn into the trap. Briskly but cautiously I crept onto the corner of her bedding and calmed my mind once more. I would use stealth to defeat this foe. A head on assault would only lead to more injuries. After a long while of watching and waiting I heard her returning. She once again reverted to her careful calculated advance. She took great care in examining the arena. My ambush was not discovered. Thinking I had fled, she resumed the position I had first observed her in. She was oblivious to my presence. The upper hand was mine.

I crept soundlessly up to her enormous thigh. It was now or never. I would have to strike the final blow or rather, my first blow, before she noticed I was upon her. I made it to within seconds of my goal when she moved. An enormous hand swatted me away. I was sent flying off of her to the bedding which broke my fall and unfortunately, another leg. Struggling to maintain some semblance of calm through the pain and the dizziness I made one final attempt to regain the advantage. What a feeble waste it was. I had apparently walked into her ambush. In one swift move she brought her crude containment device over me. 

I had lost. My lifetime of training had failed me and I had failed my race. My captor dragged my prison onto a paper seal. I lost another leg on the way and the tip of my wing. On the floor I was placed and she stared at me. She taunted me with her eyes. The knowledge that I had all along been the weaker and far less cunning broke my spirit. I would die alone here, slowly, tormented by every moment that I was a prisoner and my prey remained free. To cement her domination as victor, she took me, in my prison, to show the others of her kind her latest victim. She made what I can only assume was a speech before attempting to place me on the floor. The seal she had chosen was defective for it slipped away affording me once again an opportunity to grasp freedom. My joy was short lived as she slammed an object onto my back, mortally wounding me. I was still alive of course for these brutes were infamous for their love of torture, but I would soon die. No one would hear of my victories. no one would sing songs of my battles. I would die here having done nothing to further our cause.

Bring on the flowers

Another month has ended and another begins. The world hasn't ended (outside of my nightmares) so that's something to be grateful for. Over the last month I have embarked on a journey to rediscover my creative side which was bound, gagged and locked away for the most part, over the last three years.

This part of me got most of its development in a time when I wasn't particularly fond of myself or happy to be me. I can proudly say now that I love me. As with everyone, there are areas of myself that still require some work *cough cough* anger  *cough* management *cough cough cough* but life is process of development and I'm getting there.

I'll be revisiting a lighter side of me from my earlier rhyming days. A few of you may be familiar with such rhymes as:

"I love it when you're dressed and hot

I love to watch you in the kitchen

Your breasts, your legs, your thighs, your back

I love you so my fine backed chicken"

I always enjoyed trying out different perspectives. Most of my jottings like That Love hate Relationship could of course be interpreted quite literally as a relationship between two people. As with a number of my pieces though, I attributed human emotions to something that is far from human. I like write from the perspective of other things (be they animal, plant or object) and trying to see the world from their eyes. It can make a serious sounding piece take on a more comical interpretation. Possessed could also be interpreted in many different ways. I find that for me it relates to a number of things. I'll try to write more like them for you

I do hope you all have a beautiful May. Though, in Barbados at least, we did not have many April showers, I do wish you all a fruitful, blissful and peaceful month of May; full of beauty (with or without the expected flowers). I thank all of you who have read and shared my posts. I look forward to doing more for you. 

Finally tho the one I love. May is the month of your birth and also of our coupling. Two years may not be a long time to most but they have meant more to me than the five that preceded them. I am grateful to you for choosing to share this time with me and for your patience. I love you. Happy Anniversary (though 4 hours early).

That's it for now folks. All the best!

Stay tuned  ^_^

Posssessed

Another of my older pieces

It awakens
From Beneath the surface
Come cries of pain
Pleasure driven
It comes forward again

It loathes
Every thought of happiness
Drunk with temptations
Gently whispers
Screams of irritation

It takes
Peace reasoning and patience
Driven by darkness
Locking away logic
Confuses truth with madness

It Craves
Power from weakness
Each idea contorted and bent
Tunnel vision brings forward
Voices of resentment

It breaks
The will to live and fight
Must kill and must die
Embrace the black future
Escape? you won't try

It tires
Being fought for too long
Anxiety pushes it on
Broken barriers resurrected
It's drive is gone

It sleeps
Dormant once more
Back to normal it seems
Reasoning and sense come
It remains in the body and dreams

The Adolocent Dream

 This one is a few years old by one of my favourites. Do enjoy :)

Study, you say?
I say NAY!
Why lower my standards
To those of a puppet
Moving to the will of pulled strings
I bow not to you sir
Nor to those you call sir
I bow to no one
The days of bowing have gone
Stand you say?
I say NAY!
I will not stand to those
That stand before me
My loyalties lie with those
Who join my fight for emancipation
I link arms with them
And walk to my freedom
You dare not stop us
Respect you say?
NAY! I say.
I give that where it is due
It is due where it is earned
But not to the likes of you
Who expect it and try to take it
Force earns nothing but distrust
Of which you seem quite fond
Fear you or respect you?
Learn you say?
I will, I say.
But from the things I chose
I learn of the things that you learned
In your days of freedom
After you played the puppet
Willingly and fearfully
I learn of no responsibility
I learn of the adolescent dream

A Daughter's Grief

Would you be proud of me?
Would you still tell me that you love me?
If you knew who I've become
Would you still lay claim to me?
I feel like I was never worthy
I was the one who pushed you
I was the one who made you sick.
That's what I feel  sometimes
When I think of all you've missed.
You were there for my first steps
You heard my first words.
You took me to school on the first day
And I didn't cry then.
I knew I would come home to you.
But If I'd known back then
That you wouldn't see me graduate
I would have cried everyday
When I said goodbye to you.

I wish we'd had more time.
I wish we'd made more memories.
I remember what you look like.
I remember the sound of your voice.
I feel like I've failed you
I should remember more.

There is one memory I've held on to
That I promise to keep safe.
It's one of you carrying me.
I was on top of the world
Up on top of your shoulders.
I don't remember the time of day
But I know it was twilight
I remember the most beautiful colours
Swirling around in the sky
The purples and blues and oranges and pinks.
It's no wonder that I love purple
Or that twilight is my favourite time.
When I think of being on your shoulders
My tears go away and I feel safe.
I feel that I can do anything.

I promise I'll be a good girl.
I'll make you proud of me.
I'll be as kind and brave as you.
I will make the world better somehow.
I'll walk in your footsteps
I'll be the daughter you deserved.
I love you daddy.

That love hate relationship

You wanted me gone so I left.

I left you to shudder.

Sure you could find substitutes for me.

But how many does it take

To replace all that I do for you?

When I was around you complained;

I was too much for you,

Came on too strong for you.

You did all that you could

To keep distance between us.

You claimed to love me yet

You can't wait to be out of my reach.

Well I left you.

You said then how you missed me.

Your days were cold without me.

You wish I hadn't left?

You just can't decide.

Is it me you want?

Or is it what I do for you.

What I do can be replaced.

But would you survive without me?

Maybe next time I'll go for a month.

Maybe I'll leave you for a year.

When your depression is complete,

When you pray to see me each day

Maybe I'll return to you.

Maybe then you'll love me

Not just what I do for you.

But you know, don't you.

I can't ever abandon you

Not for eternity.

Never an entire year.

I'll always return to you.

I know you need me.

I know I can be overbearing sometimes.

But I can't help who I am.

And you can't change your need.

Sweep me away

Touch me.
Smack me and stroke me.
I like how you take away all the pain.
When I feel in your embrace I can finally unwind.

Caress me.
Take me away from here.
Make me forget the world again.
Ferry my mind and body to where bliss and joy reside.

Tickle me.
As you trace your way up
from my feet to my thighs and higher.
Then let me sink deep into you gently and slowly.

Push me.
I want it rough this time.
Like always I come into you bareback.
Flip me over and smother me; make me gasp for air.

Hold me.
As I close my eyes.
Let me drift slowly away with you.
I know it can't last but you always make my day better.

Release me.
I walk away from you.
I wash away what you'd left on me.
We never part bitterly. I am at peace with the world again.

Ode to Twilight

On the horizon merge colours of our passion.
Purples and oranges intermingle in a glorious sky high ballet.
The sun's arch across the vast blue canvas is initiated and culminates in the magnificent,
union of two entities; you the fierce, vibrant orange and I the mellow and regal purple.
Clouds swirl around and collide with us painting the sky in our hues of romance;
brighter and darker and more erratic until our crescendo builds to its peak.
We meet this way to merge and dance without fail or fear each day.
We embrace and welcome each joining with grace.
The dance at dawn to welcome the day culminates in an explosion of light and energy as you dominate,
leaving me to lead the dusk ballet as the sun takes its bow.