Monday, 31 December 2012

Next up, 2013

2012 has had its share of ups and downs for us all but we've made it to the end. I have my resolutions as many of you do but the one thing I want for everyone is to be the best you you can be. Happy New Year one and all. Start on a high if you can and remind those that matter to you that they are in your hearts.

Friday, 14 December 2012

Note to self

When someone ignores you they don't deserve your time.
When someone lies to you they don't deserve your trust.
When someone is unfaithful they don't deserve your love.
When someone purposely causes you pain they don't deserve to see your tears.
When someone pushes you away that's your cue to leave.
When someone has to keep apologizing forgive yourself for letting them wrong you.
When someone blocks you out learn to walk away.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012

Brilliance of the morning.

The morning brings many a wonderful thing. For one... its cool and quite. The whisps of warm light slowly permeate all that it touches. What could be more invigorating yet calming. Certainly not catching the bus before the whole shebang gets underway. Yeah. Morning to you too.

Friday, 8 June 2012

Awake

That damn rooster can't shut up?
I roll over to look at the clock
Only 2 a.m. and he's doing his thing
I climb out of bed to find something to fling

No luck this time so I cover my ears
I must sleep, being late is one of my greatest fears
Tossing and turning I get no relief
How the hell will I ever get back to sleep?

One hour passes and turns into two
I could think of only one thing to do
I hop out of bed and through the door I go
Now this is a trick that only a few know

Once in the throne room I take a seat
Closing my eyes I focus on my heart beat
Within second it's done and my bladder is free
I return to the covers that snuggle around me

I close my eyes and images become life
I float blissfully along but my alarm is like a knife
I'm severed from my dreams before they quite begin
I swear going to work this early must be a sin

Tuesday, 5 June 2012

It's June ^_^

My apologies everyone for my absence. First let me say welcome to June! May was a great month. Lots of fun; not too many posts though. I hope you have a fabulous month with lots of money.

I've been working on some different things in my life so we'll see how those things pan out.
I hope to get at least one post a week out this month. If I'm inspired, you may get more than that ;)

Have a great day
See you soon

Sunday, 27 May 2012

A confession

You've caught me.
I know that I promised
You're the strong one
These urges, I could not dismiss

You'd seen me sneaking away before
Why only now did you follow
This time you were waiting at the door
My guilt could not be hidden
I wiped the smear from my lips
You're disgusted look cause what came next
I licked it from my finger tips
And passed you without comment
You followed me into the bathroom
Directing me over to the sink
You stood there behind me as minutes passed
Washing until both our palms were rosy pink
I know you're disappointed in me
But he will never find out
I covered up my tampering you see
And this is certainly no time to shout
I won't tell if you won't tell
This can just be between us two
It's not like you hadn't done this before
On a smaller scale though, tis true
Our son's heart would not be broken
He will never find out that I snuck down
He'll never know I too the first taste
Only you will hear my late night snacker confession
You should be more understanding with this
And I should say sorry for what I've done
But that birthday cake was too damn good
So I took the honour of first tasting from our son

Monday, 21 May 2012

I grew up

I grew up, in a way.
When I'm sick though, I still want my mummy
When it's hot out, I still want to spend my day at the beach
When it's cold I still love to curl up under a blanket and drink hot chocolate
Do I still watch cartoons? Yes
Do I still play video games? Yes
Do I still like playing tag? Yes
Hide and seek? Yes
I like going on adventures like I did when I was 6
I still like running around after the sun goes down
I will always love reading
And if I had a bicycle I would go riding whenever I could
The simple fun things haven't changed
I could spend a day, just my imagination and I
Or laying in the shade with a snack and a friend to share it
Building a play house would never grow boring.

What has changed?

I can stay out as late as I want.
I can eat and drink whatever I want.
No one yells at me for lighting the stove.
I can go watch grown up movies in the cinema.
But
I'm supposed to do my own laundry.
I'm supposed to get a job.
I'm supposed to be responsible for myself.

As a child the rule is "Don't lie"
As an adult it changes to "Don't get caught lying"

I don't trust anyone.

It just comes down to that.
As a child I could ask mommy for anything
She might say yes, she might say no
If i got a yes I could trust that that's what I would get

When daddy went away he would call as often as possible
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas.
I wanted a trailer truck and I told him and I moved on.
I knew that on Christmas morning when I unwrapped my presents
One of them would be that truck. I loved that truck

Now I have to rely on myself to keep promises
Grown up try to do what they promise children
When you aren't a child anymore
You are supposed to be able to handle disappointment

"A promise is a comfort to a fool"
Are children fools?

Perhaps the truth of it all is that we don't matter enough to people when we grow up. If you are not fragile you are not worth the effort, or something like that.

How did my mind get here from thinking about Thundercats?





Thursday, 17 May 2012

They call it hopeless infatuation more likely

From 2008... I almost wish I remember who it was written for 

Alone and empty
No sounds in the dark
Misery impales me
My body ripped apart
Limb by limb
Exposing my dying heart
Blood and agony
All I'm left with is pain
Alone and empty
I have nothing to gain
Nothing
No where
No voice
Just tears
It's nothing new
Not since meeting you
I feel it
Slow and sharp
Tearing at flesh
They call it love


Wednesday, 16 May 2012

Mommy's Day

First off let me apologize for my absence. Due to circumstances beyond my control I had no internet access. I am back now though and shall try  my darnedest to make up for the time I was away.

Mother's Day has just passed and being a home body these days my option for presents were fairly limited however the day was saved thanks to Mall Internationale's mother's Day Promotion. I won a dinner for two for my mommy :) We had it on Monday night and it was nice :) however looking back on the actual Mother's Day I'd say we had a pretty eventful morning.

In the kitchen one expects to find food, cutlery, crockery and cooking appliances mostly. One does not expect to find evil lurking in the base of a plant pot. That is just what we stumbled upon that morning.
Out of the corner of her eye she saw something move. This particular something was snuggled comfortable on the floor around the base of a plant pot. Despite its notable size it was rather quick footed.
Though we tried to strike with a shoe, we missed and behind the stove it went. The hunt for the centipede was put on hold for we had to embark on a hunt for bug spray. I kept watch while mommy found it and then we began again, one of us at either side of the stove and spraying behind it. Unfortunately the bastard decided to exit on my side and fled behind the fridge.
Positions were changed and  we started spraying behind the fridge. Mom was caught off guard when it decided to run her way so she grabbed the grill thing from the base of the fridge (to the front) and whacked and whacked. Then it was broken. The grill I mean, not the centipede. He was just stunned and thank God for that cause it gave up time to pull out the bed thing in our arsenal... a cricket bat. Two lashes with that and he stopped movie. My sister with the big fear of centipede came to see the carnage. He was clearly trying to show off cause he moved again. Mommy crushed his back again and some white thingy came out of its moth, then she crushed its head and that was the end of it.

The day was quiet and enjoyable after that but I don't think anyone would have wanted more drama.

Well more stuff coming soonish. I'm working on this thing so we'll see how it pans out.

Wednesday, 2 May 2012

I Was The Fool

I entered the arena, inching closer and closer to my intended opponent. I surveyed the battlefield to be, finding the spot for my first strike. The intended victim was by all indications, a female of her species. She was resting in the middle of the room on a crude sort of bed. History told that they were less aggressive than their male counterparts but when cornered, their erratic style of fighting could spell your death. This particular creature was larger than the average that I'd battled. Having completed my assessment I spread my wings and made my presence known. Taking to the air, I swooped around the arena to ensure that I had her attention before landing on a heap of fabric to observe her reaction and await her first strike.

The being rose to her full height. She moved slowly and methodically towards a wedge shaped piece of rubber that lay on the floor. All reports were correct. This species seldom fought without weapons and were resourceful at finding them. This particular weapon I had seen before worn on the feet of another female of the species. The sluggish brute lifted the wedge and inched closer, as if not to startle me. Did she think I would patiently await the blow? These beasts were not known for their intelligence however her tactics seemed to indicate that perhaps she was slow of mind. She lowered the wedge to a striking range that, had I not been the top of my class in evasion, would have ended me. In a quick and minimally off target move she brought her weapon down in what she might have intended to be a killing blow.

I barreled away from the strike with but a hair separating me from the location it had fallen on. Seeing her first attack had failed she stumbled back as I took to the air again. I came to rest on the barrier in front of the portal this being used to enter and exit this arena. Having failed with her first weapon she surveyed the arena for another to aid her in this fight. After a long moment she edged closer to me once more. It was my belief at the time that the creature had decided bare handed combat to be her only option. I braced myself to evade and then try to land my first blow but as she reached within striking range she passed behind the barrier and fled.

I could hear her communicating, perhaps with her superiors, in her unintelligible tongue. I do not believe this method of communication has the sophistication or content to be considered as much a language. There were a few of their sounds that we had accurately attributed meanings to but I could make out none of them. Within a short time I could hear her returning. She entered the room with some form of trapping device. Using the same battle maneuvers as before, she moved within a range that would allow for greater accuracy. I would not dally to show my superiority this time. I would have to time my movement carefully lest I be trapped.

In a flash she brought down her trapping device. Waiting for the last second I leaped out of the way.  She was more cunning than I anticipated for she dragged the device in the direction I'd gone in. One of my legs was caught briefly and was now badly injured. I dropped to the floor and hurried to find cover as she chased after me. Finally safe under the thing she had been resting on, I examined my injuries. I had underestimated her and it had cost me dearly. My leg would likely be lost after this battle if I was able to keep my life at all. Once again my opponent left the arena. She was furious. She prattled loudly to whoever lay beyond the portal. There was one sound she repeated that I was familiar with. It was how this species referred to my kind. "Roaches."

I made my way to the far side of the arena and climbed the wall of fabric that was strewn there. Calming myself, I listened for her return. I reached into the memories of my youth to the early days of my training. Focusing on the basic strategies of engagement that I could recall, I prepared myself for the onslaught that was coming. The beast startled me out of my recollection as she made a clamorous re-entry. Steeling my nerves I swooped towards her, now on the offensive. I must win this round if i was to have any chance in this encounter. She paused in her advance for but a second before making a hasty retreat. 

I landed on the wall next to the portal. I heard no sounds from beyond it. Was she toying with me? Was this some part of her training to lower enemy defenses? If it was, I would not be drawn into the trap. Briskly but cautiously I crept onto the corner of her bedding and calmed my mind once more. I would use stealth to defeat this foe. A head on assault would only lead to more injuries. After a long while of watching and waiting I heard her returning. She once again reverted to her careful calculated advance. She took great care in examining the arena. My ambush was not discovered. Thinking I had fled, she resumed the position I had first observed her in. She was oblivious to my presence. The upper hand was mine.

I crept soundlessly up to her enormous thigh. It was now or never. I would have to strike the final blow or rather, my first blow, before she noticed I was upon her. I made it to within seconds of my goal when she moved. An enormous hand swatted me away. I was sent flying off of her to the bedding which broke my fall and unfortunately, another leg. Struggling to maintain some semblance of calm through the pain and the dizziness I made one final attempt to regain the advantage. What a feeble waste it was. I had apparently walked into her ambush. In one swift move she brought her crude containment device over me. 

I had lost. My lifetime of training had failed me and I had failed my race. My captor dragged my prison onto a paper seal. I lost another leg on the way and the tip of my wing. On the floor I was placed and she stared at me. She taunted me with her eyes. The knowledge that I had all along been the weaker and far less cunning broke my spirit. I would die alone here, slowly, tormented by every moment that I was a prisoner and my prey remained free. To cement her domination as victor, she took me, in my prison, to show the others of her kind her latest victim. She made what I can only assume was a speech before attempting to place me on the floor. The seal she had chosen was defective for it slipped away affording me once again an opportunity to grasp freedom. My joy was short lived as she slammed an object onto my back, mortally wounding me. I was still alive of course for these brutes were infamous for their love of torture, but I would soon die. No one would hear of my victories. no one would sing songs of my battles. I would die here having done nothing to further our cause.

Monday, 30 April 2012

Bring on the flowers

Another month has ended and another begins. The world hasn't ended (outside of my nightmares) so that's something to be grateful for. Over the last month I have embarked on a journey to rediscover my creative side which was bound, gagged and locked away for the most part, over the last three years.

This part of me got most of its development in a time when I wasn't particularly fond of myself or happy to be me. I can proudly say now that I love me. As with everyone, there are areas of myself that still require some work *cough cough* anger  *cough* management *cough cough cough* but life is process of development and I'm getting there.

I'll be revisiting a lighter side of me from my earlier rhyming days. A few of you may be familiar with such rhymes as:
"I love it when you're dressed and hot
I love to watch you in the kitchen
Your breasts, your legs, your thighs, your back
I love you so my fine backed chicken"
I always enjoyed trying out different perspectives. Most of my jottings like That Love hate Relationship could of course be interpreted quite literally as a relationship between two people. As with a number of my pieces though, I attributed human emotions to something that is far from human. I like write from the perspective of other things (be they animal, plant or object) and trying to see the world from their eyes. It can make a serious sounding piece take on a more comical interpretation. Possessed could also be interpreted in many different ways. I find that for me it relates to a number of things. I'll try to write more like them for you

I do hope you all have a beautiful May. Though, in Barbados at least, we did not have many April showers, I do wish you all a fruitful, blissful and peaceful month of May; full of beauty (with or without the expected flowers). I thank all of you who have read and shared my posts. I look forward to doing more for you. 

Finally tho the one I love. May is the month of your birth and also of our coupling. Two years may not be a long time to most but they have meant more to me than the five that preceded them. I am grateful to you for choosing to share this time with me and for your patience. I love you. Happy Anniversary (though 4 hours early).

That's it for now folks. All the best!
Stay tuned  ^_^

Saturday, 28 April 2012

Posssessed

Another of my older pieces
It awakens
From Beneath the surface
Come cries of pain
Pleasure driven
It comes forward again

It loathes
Every thought of happiness
Drunk with temptations
Gently whispers
Screams of irritation

It takes
Peace reasoning and patience
Driven by darkness
Locking away logic
Confuses truth with madness

It Craves
Power from weakness
Each idea contorted and bent
Tunnel vision brings forward
Voices of resentment

It breaks
The will to live and fight
Must kill and must die
Embrace the black future
Escape? you won't try

It tires
Being fought for too long
Anxiety pushes it on
Broken barriers resurrected
It's drive is gone

It sleeps
Dormant once more
Back to normal it seems
Reasoning and sense come
It remains in the body and dreams

The Adolocent Dream

 This one is a few years old by one of my favourites. Do enjoy :)
Study, you say?
I say NAY!
Why lower my standards
To those of a puppet
Moving to the will of pulled strings
I bow not to you sir
Nor to those you call sir
I bow to no one
The days of bowing have gone
Stand you say?
I say NAY!
I will not stand to those
That stand before me
My loyalties lie with those
Who join my fight for emancipation
I link arms with them
And walk to my freedom
You dare not stop us
Respect you say?
NAY! I say.
I give that where it is due
It is due where it is earned
But not to the likes of you
Who expect it and try to take it
Force earns nothing but distrust
Of which you seem quite fond
Fear you or respect you?
Learn you say?
I will, I say.
But from the things I chose
I learn of the things that you learned
In your days of freedom
After you played the puppet
Willingly and fearfully
I learn of no responsibility
I learn of the adolescent dream

Friday, 27 April 2012

Morning techno beats

Beats Beats Beats.
I start to twitch.
Can't sit still any longer
Nod Nod Nod
It's like an itch
Got to turn it up louder
Bop Bop Bop
I get to my feet
My urges getting stronger
Side To Side
I rock to the beat.
Bass pounding like thunder.

Tap Tap Tap
My feet won't stop
Twitching gets worse
As the next track drops

Up and down
On the floor I bounce
Hair flying everywhere
Sweat drips by the ounce

Gasps for air
No I can't breath
Music made me lose control
Can't slow down
Tones interweave
As they tug at my soul
Losing my mind
Its sound too good
My body no longer mine
Its almost gone
I so wish I could
Freeze this moment in time

Take a breath
The feeling returns
I move on the floor
As my lungs burn

Gone to soon
The end is near
The climax builds
Bliss is all I hear

The song ends
My routine complete
No coffee for this girl
Just morning techno beats


Tuesday, 24 April 2012

A Daughter's Grief

Would you be proud of me?
Would you still tell me that you love me?
If you knew who I've become
Would you still lay claim to me?
I feel like I was never worthy
I was the one who pushed you
I was the one who made you sick.
That's what I feel  sometimes
When I think of all you've missed.
You were there for my first steps
You heard my first words.
You took me to school on the first day
And I didn't cry then.
I knew I would come home to you.
But If I'd known back then
That you wouldn't see me graduate
I would have cried everyday
When I said goodbye to you.

I wish we'd had more time.
I wish we'd made more memories.
I remember what you look like.
I remember the sound of your voice.
I feel like I've failed you
I should remember more.

There is one memory I've held on to
That I promise to keep safe.
It's one of you carrying me.
I was on top of the world
Up on top of your shoulders.
I don't remember the time of day
But I know it was twilight
I remember the most beautiful colours
Swirling around in the sky
The purples and blues and oranges and pinks.
It's no wonder that I love purple
Or that twilight is my favourite time.
When I think of being on your shoulders
My tears go away and I feel safe.
I feel that I can do anything.

I promise I'll be a good girl.
I'll make you proud of me.
I'll be as kind and brave as you.
I will make the world better somehow.
I'll walk in your footsteps
I'll be the daughter you deserved.
I love you daddy.

Monday, 23 April 2012

That love hate relationship

You wanted me gone so I left.
I left you to shudder.
Sure you could find substitutes for me.
But how many does it take
To replace all that I do for you?
When I was around you complained;
I was too much for you,
Came on too strong for you.
You did all that you could
To keep distance between us.
You claimed to love me yet
You can't wait to be out of my reach.
Well I left you.
You said then how you missed me.
Your days were cold without me.
You wish I hadn't left?
You just can't decide.
Is it me you want?
Or is it what I do for you.
What I do can be replaced.
But would you survive without me?
Maybe next time I'll go for a month.
Maybe I'll leave you for a year.
When your depression is complete,
When you pray to see me each day
Maybe I'll return to you.
Maybe then you'll love me
Not just what I do for you.
But you know, don't you.
I can't ever abandon you
Not for eternity.
Never an entire year.
I'll always return to you.
I know you need me.
I know I can be overbearing sometimes.
But I can't help who I am.
And you can't change your need.


Friday, 20 April 2012

Naught little mind of mine.

I must write this one down before I forget it. I had another of  those vivid dreams only this one was a good one. I was in my late 30s and as sexy as I am now. I was on my way to the doctor when I ran into a friend and we decided to check out some cool hotels on the island (Barbados of course). We ran into some Japanese tourists in an Esso Tigermart. They told us about the great place they were staying so we went by to check it out. While there we ran into this young, blond, built, hung fellow who'd just turned 23. We flirted and lets just say that's how I found out he was wonderfully pink and hung. It didn't end there though. We continued to explore and ran into guys closer to my age. All of them very very distracting to look at and all wanting me to do more than look. There was a 40+ guy who was also blond and muscular but not excessively so. just very very muscular. He was hot too. He picked me up and carried me up the stairs to the hotel's next floor. I was about to find out if he was compensating for anatomical inadequacies but that's when I woke up.
These dreams just keep getting better. :)

Sunday, 15 April 2012

Sweep me away

Touch me.
Smack me and stroke me.
I like how you take away all the pain.
When I feel in your embrace I can finally unwind.

Caress me.
Take me away from here.
Make me forget the world again.
Ferry my mind and body to where bliss and joy reside.

Tickle me.
As you trace your way up
from my feet to my thighs and higher.
Then let me sink deep into you gently and slowly.

Push me.
I want it rough this time.
Like always I come into you bareback.
Flip me over and smother me; make me gasp for air.

Hold me.
As I close my eyes.
Let me drift slowly away with you.
I know it can't last but you always make my day better.

Release me.
I walk away from you.
I wash away what you'd left on me.
We never part bitterly. I am at peace with the world again.

Friday, 13 April 2012

Another Wierd One: April 12th 2012

My mom picked me up from a jewellery store where I worked and as we were driving along the south coast the sea was very very rough, like a weather system was near to the island. She took me to this hotel that her friends went to to talk to the manager about the way they were treating a vine that was growing up the side of the building. The spray they used was also killing the plants in the hanging boxes. Then she took me downstairs to meet the rest of the staff. Some of them were werewolves and other were other species of mythical creatures but in human form. Then we went back  upstairs to the reception and when I told the clerk at the desk that I was tired he sent me back down to the staff rest area to get a warm towel but I was almost attacked by a werewolf because I was another wolf species type thing which was their genetic enemy. So we left there and went home and my husband who was actually the assistant manager at the hotel called and said he would be late for dinner. Then a prostitute who didn't know my husband and I were mythical creatures called and said that since my husband works so much she could have sex with him at his work and I told her to keep away from him. She then told me that she would go there right now and give him a freebee and let him decide. I responded by telling her that if she went near him that I would kill her then went on to describe exactly how I would do that and hung up. Next I was in the porch of my actual home looking at the sea churning (it really was rough) when my husband came home and kissed me on the cheek and apologized for being late. I told him that I was going to NYC and then I was in NYC with Maz (a friend). He used his miles to get me there so I could visit J (my real boyfriend). At this point in the dream as far as I remember, I was not married to anyone. We (Maz and I) were in a hotel and it was night when we decided to walk over to the airport so I went into the restroom to hide my money and passport in my clothes for the walk as i didn't want them to be stolen in the event that I was mugged when this girl came into my stall, use it, then left. When I finally got out of the stall this woman who was apparently some big executive came into the bathroom through the door to the street and was complaining about how the temperature suddenly dropped and it was cold. Then other men and women came in off the street and were lounging in the warm bathroom because it was so surprisingly frigid out and no one had dressed for the cold. Then I called J and he was angry that I hadn't called sooner but he got a flight out to meet me and brought me my coat and that's all I remember.

Weird right? Me married to a jeweler???

Wednesday, 14 March 2012

Ode to Twilight

On the horizon merge colours of our passion.
Purples and oranges intermingle in a glorious sky high ballet.
The sun's arch across the vast blue canvas is initiated and culminates in the magnificent,
union of two entities; you the fierce, vibrant orange and I the mellow and regal purple.
Clouds swirl around and collide with us painting the sky in our hues of romance;
brighter and darker and more erratic until our crescendo builds to its peak.
We meet this way to merge and dance without fail or fear each day.
We embrace and welcome each joining with grace.
The dance at dawn to welcome the day culminates in an explosion of light and energy as you dominate,
leaving me to lead the dusk ballet as the sun takes its bow.